DEAR DIARY:

AUG. 1  Moved to our new home in OHIO. It is so beautiful here. The country is so picturesque. Can hardly wait to see it covered with snow. I LOVE IT HERE
OCT. 14  OHIO is the most beautiful place on earth. The leaves are turning all different colors. I love the shades of red and orange. Went for a ride through the hills and saw  some deer. They are so graceful. Certainly they are the most peaceful animals on earth. This must be paradise. I LOVE ITHERE.
NOV. 11  Deer season will open soon. I can't imagine anyone wanting to kill such an elegant creature. The very symbol of peace and tranquility. Hope it will snow soon. I LOVE IT HERE.
DEC. 2  It snowed last night. Woke up to find everything blanketed in white. It looked like a postcard. Went outside and cleaned snow off the steps and shoveled the driveway. We had a snowball fight today (I won). When the snowplow came by we had to shovel the driveway again. What a beautiful place. Mother Nature in perfect harmony. I LOVE IT HERE!
DEC. 12  More snow last night. I love it. The snowplow did his trick again that rascal. A winter wonderland. I LOVE IT HERE.
DEC. 19  Snowed again last night. Couldn't get out of the driveway to get to work this time. I'm exhausted from shoveling. Freakin’ snowplow!
DEC. 22  More of that white stuff fell last night. I've got blisters on my hands from shoveling. I think the snowplow hides around the corner and waits until I'm done shoveling.
That Asshole!
DEC. 25  "White Christmas" my busted ass. Mother freakin’ snow. If I ever get my hands on that son-of-a-bitch who drives that snowplow, I swear I will castrate the dumb bastard. Don't know why they don't use more salt on this freakin’ ice.
DEC. 28  More of the same stuff last night. Been inside since Christmas day except for when "Snowplow Harry" comes by. Can't go anywhere. The car is buried in a mountain of white stuff. The weatherman says expect another 10 inches of this stuff tonight. Do you know how many shovels full of snow 10 inches is?
JAN. 1  Happy Freakin’ New Year. The weatherman was wrong (AGAIN). We got 34 freakin’ inches of snow this time. At this rate it won't melt until the 4th of July.  The snowplow got stuck down the road and stuff for brains had the balls to come to the door and ask to borrow my shovel. I told him I broke 6 shovels already, shoveling out the stuff he plowed into my driveway. I broke the 7th shovel over his freakin’ head.
JAN. 4  Finally got out of the house today. Went to the store to get food and on the way back a deer ran out in front of the car and I hit the sucker.  Did about $3,000.00 damage to the car. Wish the hunters had killed them all last November.
MAY 3  Took the car to the garage in town today. Would you believe the body is rotting away from all the freakin’ salt they keep dumping all over the roads. It really looks like a piece of stuff.
MAY 10  Moved to Florida today. I can't imagine why anyone in their right freakin’ mind would want to live in the friggin State of OHIO!!!